Wednesday, 13 December 2017

you look happier


few days ago, a very good friend of mine back in america told me, "you look happier now". it took me a moment to digest that sentence. i wonder how did she notice happiness, especially in someone like me. a deeply melancholic person. i made myself believe that my soul is filled with mellow and sorrow from generations before, and generations after. i feel too much and i feel for everyone. so it truly made me wonder what made her think i am happier now. but i am glad she spotted it <3

i was scrolling my feed on instagram when i noticed it; my feed's color is no longer the dark, gloomy, blueish tone. i noticed my captions nowadays are not as depressing as before. do you remember? i was so depressing back then. nothing necessarily bad happened to me. i think i just had a lot of time to dwell on my melancholia. i am too occupied with studies and work now, that i sometimes long for those fleeting moments where melancholia encompasses my core being, filling the void inside me. reminiscing; it felt like a dream.


throwback to about a year ago; gloomy blue tone, melancholic caption


i don't think it's a bad thing. i believe i am transitioning, maturing, growing, if you would think so. but, happier? i don't know about that. like hate, happy is such a strong word, for me. but i would admit, that i am content and thankful for everything in my life at this moment. i am in a much better place now. 

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