Saturday, 18 November 2017

bisik pada langit

i decided to watch bisik pada langit at 2am in the morning, without any prior idea about how the storyline would be. 15 minutes into the movie, my cheeks were wet with tears flowing like river. everything felt so real, so vivid. i couldn't take it.

it reminded me of november 4, 2016; of arwah taufiq. 

taufiq passed away so suddenly that none of us in purdue was ready for it. he was such a bright soul. our hearts broke, and we mourned. i remember myself crying whenever i went for the tahlil sessions they did. everyone came for you, taufiq. religion did not matter. everyone was there, mourning for you. we lost a diamond in our community.

but the night i remember the most was that night that your mother and sister arrived from malaysia, to bring your body back home. i felt so scared sitting in the surau, to face your family. i couldn't keep a strong face. when your mother came to me i saw she tried to smile in her tears, thanking us for being there. i could feel my chest tightened, i wanted to tell her what a kind soul you were. i couldn't. i was scared if i opened my mouth i would burst out crying. i hugged your mom. i hugged your sister. but i still couldn't imagine how much pain they were feeling.

that night, i saw the van that brought your body back to purdue. people said it's the last time we could ever see you. i didn't go still, i was too scared. the last memory of you that i had was when we were preparing for malaysian night. do you remember? i was the nosy videographer, recording everyone's moves. i played around with you a bit when we were arranging tables, and on that morning when you were playing guli with the americans.

when i had to begin editing the behind the scene video, little did i know that i would stumble upon my recordings of you again. the sadness came into me like strong waves. how do i edit the videos with you in it, when in the real world, you're no longer with us. i was heartbroken. i was so fond of you. you were just 20 years old. but i had to accept that god loves you more.

taufiq, i miss you. i hope your family is doing well. know that everyone still misses you. you are forever in our hearts. it's been more than a year now. somehow i could still imagine you in purdue, still completing your degree, goofing around with the others. but i know you are in a better place now.

fly high, my dear friend. al fatihah.

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