Monday, 4 September 2017

safiya zahra

baby girl, safiya zahra

i'm still a bit down, but today my heart feels warm and fuzzy. am i in love?

yes, i am. i'm in love with my baby niece, safiya zahra. her name revokes a plethora of emotions in me. her name reminds me of why i belong to this family. safiya zahra, a girl as beautiful as the name itself. today, maksu is writing about you.

when i left to america back in 2014, you were the only grandchild of the family. my one and only niece. i saw you grew up until you were 4 years old. i was with you. but i had to leave you for years. during those years, there were little contact between us. maksu was the one to blame. but i always have you in my mind, looking at your pictures that were posted by your dad. i saw you grew up and became such a beautiful girl, virtually. i missed you.

this year i came back to a lovely girl who is now reaching my height (ughh). i still remember going to visit you at your house that one evening-- that was when you screamed my name when you saw me in the car. my baby girl, how could you still recognize maksu after all these years. i missed you a thousand times more.

spending time with you to catch up on all those missing years, i remember reading bedtime story to you every night (but it's actually me giving science facts to you -.-). you are so into science that you made me feel a bit dumb, haha. especially physics related thing. how dare you. but my god, you are so bright. so beautiful. so brave. i can't wait to see you grow up more.

this year we got to celebrate raya together. it's raya day 4 today, and it's around after lunch when everyone's a bit sleepy and the house was quiet. my baby girl cannot sleep during the day so she sneaked into my room. maksu was falling asleep as usual, but there you were, you tiny curious creature, you. as i was falling asleep, this girl was busy going through my stuff, reading my old diaries from primary school and all, questioning things. i was so tired to entertain you. so then i asked you to lie down with me, to sleep with me. but you said you can never fall asleep during the day. my poor eyes had to stay strong, i forced myself to wake up and spend time with you.

we listened to songs together. i opened my spotify playlist and chose my favorite songs i want you to listen to. you listened very attentively but you didn't sing along with maksu, so i started opening the lyrics to every song first and you started to sing. it was so lovely. seeing this little girl stuttering at first to keep up with the beat, but slowly picking it up, singing, laughing, having fun. we sang so many songs you said your ears were tired. lol. from ed sheeran's perfect to wild thoughts and many more. but your favorite from today was kissing strangers by dnce. it becomes my favorite too, as i reminisce back on how happy you were singing it.

you asked me kindly if you can use my old blue notebook that i don't use anymore-- my heart blooms. you remind me of myself back then, the girl who loved to write in her diaries so much. i wish you'd keep this habit, because it's a precious one. safiya, maksu will always remember the time we spent together. i'll be going far away from you again soon, but i am already looking forward to coming back and seeing how you have grown.

you are so manja with me that everyone notices-- maksu and safiya, the clingy pair. i think your parents worry a bit, haha. i'm the carefree one that would let you do anything, explore anything. some people could think of me as a bad influence to you. oh wells, maksu will take care of you, so fret not :p

my 4 years old safiya zahra back then is now 8 years old.
i love you still, and will continue to do so <3

baby girl with her signature hair 

baby girl and the ocean

baby girl and that precious smile

all my love,

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