Saturday, 2 September 2017

hello anxiety my old friend

i can't sleep at night nowadays, even when i'm tired, my eyes would be wide open. i have so much in my mind. so many things i haven't settled. i feel suffocated with my own anxiousness and worries of starting over. i'll be going to london alone. i'll be there alone. i don't know people there. it's definitely different from back then when i first went to america. i have cica with me. we took some of the same classes. i know we had each other. now it's different. i don't have anyone. i'm doing this course whereby i don't know anyone in there and i'll be the only malaysian. i'm so anxious. people tell me i would be fine as i always do. and i know that is most probably true. but goddamn it suffocates me, i am drowning. i don't feel a tiny bit of excitement to go. i told him, 'i don't even have motivation'. how do i do this. how do i keep being positive. i'm exhausted from feeling my own feelings. these sentiments, they kill me slowly, like a rope tied loosely between my neck, but overtime the rope tightens, wrapping closely around my neck, strangling me.

everything will be fine.
everything will be fine.
everything will be fine.
everything will be fine.
everything will be fine.
everything will be fine.
everything will be fine.
everything will be fine.
everything will be fine.
everything will be fine.
everything will be fine.
everything will be fine.
everything will be fine.
everything will be fine.
everything will be fine.
everything will be fine.
everything will be fine.
everything will be fine.

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