Thursday, 9 February 2017

how are you feeling?

how are you feeling nowadays?

this is a tricky question for me. it always has been. i throw my stare out the window and look at the empty houses across mine. empty. emptiness. that's not what i'm feeling. at least not anymore. at least not now.

then how are you feeling now?

i don't know. i think i don't know myself that well. i think i am constantly evolving, changing. but i can tell you a little something.  i think i feel alright, almost okay. i can describe it to you. i'm not good with abstracts but i want to describe it to you.

every night before i go to sleep, i close my eyes with worries about things, but i have people comforting me and telling me i can survive them. i wake up knowing that i have been more accepting towards myself than ever before. i think i am falling in love. falling in love with myself more than anyone else. i think i don't need everyone to tell me, 'i accept you for who you are' anymore. i am already accepting myself, i don't need more.

i look at the sky with more meanings now, in whatever colors it is. i think the sky is the epitome of my changing self. how can i tell you this. everyday, it changes colors. on some days, it's a raging storm up there, with heavy drops of rain. but it is still the same sky. and that is me. i think i change everyday, but no matter how much i change, no matter how bad the storms are, i am still the same.

i think about love too nowadays. not anymore about how love should be possessive, but about how love should liberate oneself. you probably won't get me on this. it's okay. i just think love should be based on selflessness and you should not expect anything in return. love should be liberating. to love, is to be free.

so, my point is, i am feeling well. i am doing good. i am accepting my life as what it is. and i think it's so beautiful how the everyday sky will always remind me of myself.

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