Saturday, 27 August 2016

izz + 3

it's been a few weeks since i last wrote something. perhaps because melancholia is struggling to get my attention in the midst of the hectic and loud life i am in currently. did i tell you? i'm living with 3 other housemates now, so i always have someone with me. i'm not used to this. i've always been almost alone all the time, or just accompanied by close friends virtually. it's been amazing though, and loud, and i feel like i am always laughing. oh, and i am always sleeping with someone else by my side too. it's so nice, considering how much i love skinship.

tbh, the first week i was here, i felt so overwhelmed by the presence of so many people that i just couldn't keep it in anymore. before i moved in, i was really nervous about living with many people. but as i said, it's been good. my housemates are really good people. they inspire me to be better, to take care of myself, to remember God better. that's what i love the most. but you know me. melancholia is living deep inside of me. i actually miss it. i actually really miss it, and the comfort it brings to me. i miss the quietness that blankets me with my own solitude.

this week's weather forecast says it's gonna be gloomy and rainy all week. my little heart screams joy; i am finding my serenity. but in a few hours, my close friend here is going back to malaysia for good. i crave for sadness and melancholia and all the gloominess but this is not one of them. i loathe goodbyes and separation, and the fact that i don't know when i'm going to see her again, and the fact that i know how much her heart is in pain, and the fact that i can see her eyes get teary everytime she has to tell someone that she's gonna leave for good, and the fact that the love of her life is here and everything is at stake.

i told you, love is a painful thing. my heart is heavy.

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