Monday, 20 June 2016

dear izz #1

dear, izz.

how are you doing? wait, this is awkward. but yeah i'm still going to do it.

so, izz, i hope you're doing fine. i know you don't feel good right now. you have a lot of things going on in your mind, you're tired of the cold, and you're missing home so much. that's extremely bizarre, izz. you're never the kind of person who would feel homesick. but you're feeling it now, terribly. but you're doing well. i want you to know that you're managing it well.

izz, i know now you're feeling more confused about yourself. you came here with a goal to make a positive difference in the community, but little did you realize that you're gonna learn so much more about yourself here. the people here are making you rethink all the decisions you have made in your life, and the upcoming ones. and now you're in the state of fragility and vulnerability where you don't even know what to decide, you don't even know what you should think. i just want you to know that it's okay. you don't have to think about everything now, you don't have to decide on things now. i want you to take your time, and just follow what your heart tells you. no, you can't listen to your mind this time. trust me, this time you need to listen to your heart.

izz, it's almost midnight now and you're supposed to sleep; you're a working lady now. you've been waking up very early in the morning these past few weeks. i'm very proud of you. and i know you still cannot get over your craving for pasta. so i want you to go out tomorrow and buy yourself a good pasta, and delicious pastries. and then you can also get yourself a chocolate ice cream. no guilt no nothing, just eat them all.

the last thing i want to say is that i know you feel empty, as if your soul is just a vacant space with not a single matter inside. you feel lost, you feel like you don't have a purpose in this world. i know all of that, and i know why you feel that way. the thing is i know you feel really bad for discovering the reason you feel that way so late when it is the most obvious thing in the world. but it's okay, sometimes things pass right in front of our eyes but we still won't notice it if the time hasn't came. now that you have realized it, i want you to take your time again. don't rush things out. i don't want you to rush things out on your journey to find Light.

i guess that is all for now. be strong, you're doing okay. you're gonna be okay.

yours,
izz

2 comments:

  1. Some parts of this post resonate very deeply in me, I feel like you're talking to me :( Especially the last paragraph. Hang in there Izz, may Allah ease your way!

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    1. :( it gives me such a huge comfort knowing that i'm not alone in this. i wish you the same, sheera! enjoy your time in malaysia!

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