Tuesday, 21 June 2016

Monday, 20 June 2016

dear izz #1

dear, izz.

how are you doing? wait, this is awkward. but yeah i'm still going to do it.

so, izz, i hope you're doing fine. i know you don't feel good right now. you have a lot of things going on in your mind, you're tired of the cold, and you're missing home so much. that's extremely bizarre, izz. you're never the kind of person who would feel homesick. but you're feeling it now, terribly. but you're doing well. i want you to know that you're managing it well.

izz, i know now you're feeling more confused about yourself. you came here with a goal to make a positive difference in the community, but little did you realize that you're gonna learn so much more about yourself here. the people here are making you rethink all the decisions you have made in your life, and the upcoming ones. and now you're in the state of fragility and vulnerability where you don't even know what to decide, you don't even know what you should think. i just want you to know that it's okay. you don't have to think about everything now, you don't have to decide on things now. i want you to take your time, and just follow what your heart tells you. no, you can't listen to your mind this time. trust me, this time you need to listen to your heart.

izz, it's almost midnight now and you're supposed to sleep; you're a working lady now. you've been waking up very early in the morning these past few weeks. i'm very proud of you. and i know you still cannot get over your craving for pasta. so i want you to go out tomorrow and buy yourself a good pasta, and delicious pastries. and then you can also get yourself a chocolate ice cream. no guilt no nothing, just eat them all.

the last thing i want to say is that i know you feel empty, as if your soul is just a vacant space with not a single matter inside. you feel lost, you feel like you don't have a purpose in this world. i know all of that, and i know why you feel that way. the thing is i know you feel really bad for discovering the reason you feel that way so late when it is the most obvious thing in the world. but it's okay, sometimes things pass right in front of our eyes but we still won't notice it if the time hasn't came. now that you have realized it, i want you to take your time again. don't rush things out. i don't want you to rush things out on your journey to find Light.

i guess that is all for now. be strong, you're doing okay. you're gonna be okay.


Sunday, 19 June 2016

my whys

i traveled a thousand miles away to indiana, united states to get my degree but also for the sake of discovering who i am. about two years later, i traveled to lima, peru for the sake of discovering who i really am again. who am i? what is me? sigh, these never-ending questions.

when i travel, i learn more things about myself, which is good, but it also makes me more confused. why are there too many aspects of my own self? most importantly, why am i making it hard for myself to embrace them all? why do i have to question every single thing? why am i so unsure about my own self? why can't i just settle down? why can't i follow the flow? why can't i just stop worrying?

see there, i have so many whys and i'm not even finished.


i envy you people, you guys are living a good life. 

Saturday, 18 June 2016


"You ask and I'll answer, really. Alright, more specifically? Am I running away from something: I have with travel in the past but I honestly think I'm going where I need to go and seeing what comes next. Desperately seeking: I don't know if it's desperate but I told you I'm looking for something. Then this person also asked if "traveling makes me happy" and I'll have to say: of course not. Following my heart and stuff like that make me happy, and sometimes that includes travel. Then, then this reader had the gall to ask: "Are you happy?" I set a limit at this point and choose not to answer this one. I’ll answer your question, even some personal one, but I set a limit."

Machu Picchu

ooohhh it's been a long time! i've been quite occupied, also the internet here is quite slow, so i have to suck it up. i just thought that i should blog about my experience going to Machu Picchu and hiking up Huayna Picchu, which was the hardest thing i've ever done in my life (I SWEAR!). i can still remember the pain that my body had to go through after the hike *cries blood*

i've been staying in Lima last week and then during the weekend we all went on a trip to Cusco. we visited a lot of places for sure but i'm gonna focus on Machu Picchu only in this post. we stayed at a beautiful, mysterious-ish town called Aguas Calientes. woke up at 5am, had breakfast, and then all of us marched out to take the bus up to Machu Picchu. it's winter season here, so it gets extremely cold and chilly! and that morning, it was raining <3

took the bus and went on a winding route up the mountain. i should just say that the journey was adventurous but also scary. my best advice is to just trust your Peruvian drivers, no matter how scary it gets. then, we arrived at the gate! actually, you can just go to Machu Picchu without hiking up Huayna Picchu. but, if you hike Huayna Picchu, you'd get to see all of Machu Picchu from above!

hiking up Huayna Picchu takes about 1 hour only, but it was tremendously hard since we had to hike up stairs! plus, we had to deal with the altitude sickness as well. one of my friends got so nauseous that she threw up all over the place. i was doing fine with the altitude, but i had to take it slow since my legs were giving up on me. my prof kept telling me to not look up since the stairs were never ending. so, throughout the hike, i just stared down at the stairs and kept reminding myself that i am one step closer to the top. and we all made it! i'll let the pictures talk from now :)

we were almost at the top now, it was really foggy since it rained in the morning. look at those stairs!!! we had to crawllllllllllll

we reached the peak!!!

the view of Machu Picchu from Huayna Picchu

hello it's me


all of us after we made it down! <3

I MADE IT!!!!!

Monday, 6 June 2016


i said that to myself over and over again when i remembered the "road to self-discovery" post. the first day of my travel, i did so many silly mistakes that it's even impossible for me to embrace them!!! i am not that kind of person who makes those kinds of mistakes, hence i still couldn't comprehend how it happened until now. i will not write about it here because it's just extremely embarrassing. but i will never forget the journey i had to go through to arrive in Peru. i'm grateful for meeting a lot of very kind people who have helped me since the first moment i messed up, especially the American Airlines agents in Chicago O'Hare airport, Orlando airport, Lima airport, and their customer service representatives. i don't think i would be here now if it wasn't because of them. still i have this feeling that these things occurred just because i wrote that road to self-discovery post. hahahah damn it!

so yesterday i posted a video of me conversing in spanish with my driver, which many commented that i speak it really fluently. I DO NOT?!! hahahha it sounds fluent to those who don't understand the language i guess. i can understand people speaking in spanish quite well, and i can write and read articles in spanish quite well too. but i made a lot of grammatical errors when i speak in spanish!! as long as people understand what i'm saying then that's good! lol besides the crazy streets, i love the fact that we can exchange currency just by the street, and it's legal to do so! i think it's really convenient.

it's 6.11pm here now, i went out for a bit earlier and now i'm back in my hotel room. i just wanted to say that the environment in the city of miraflores reminds me of kuala lumpur so much. but people here drive like they're drunk! super crazy!! gotta look out to your left and right thousand times before you cross the street! haha but the weather is soooo nice here since it's winter. i love it, i love the environment!! i love the people as well, they're all really friendly. tbh, i have not seen any other person wearing a hijab at all ever since i arrived here. my coordinator from a local university here said they don't have any malaysian students here either. i could probably be the first person who wears hijab that some of the locals here have ever encountered. hehe

peru, i cannot wait to explore you! till then <3

Friday, 3 June 2016

road to self-discovery

tomorrow's a big day for me, and i'm freaking out of course. i will spend the next 30 days in a place i've never thought i'll step a foot on. but it's happening, and it's happening tomorrow. oh my.

i'll be doing a lot of things for the first time tomorrow, and as much as i dread going through this alone, i want to do it. i want to do each one of them and embrace all the missteps i'll possibly make. i want to be able to comprehend how i would learn from these new experiences. i want to see myself grow from all those instances of being paranoid, or overconfident, or being lost. god, i think i've grown so much already this year. no kidding. hence, i cannot wait to see how this new journey would shape me. doing new things will always scare us, no? especially since we are women. but there's always a first time for everything. it's damn cliché, but it's damn true as well.

so if you have anything that you wanted to do but still for some reasons you still haven't done it, i hope you'll find the audacity to overcome your fear. most notably, surround yourself with positive people who'd always support and encourage you no matter what. i loathe the fact that some people say things to make us feel down or incompetent. that's why it's critical to know which friends will push you forward and which ones will push you backward. no room for negativity pls. cheers!