Thursday, 5 May 2016

me, myself, & i

the ones who're close to me would know that i've been a little strange lately. no confidence, no nothing. ok maybe that's a hyperbole, but for once, i myself grasped that my level of self esteem has been deteriorating, severely. i am not alone too much these days, hence the destructive thoughts do not linger in my mind that often anymore, but they certainly still exist.

since this happened rather abruptly too, i was forced to think of why it became this way. i came to the realization that it was because now i have no one else to love myself other than me. i only have myself now. when you're so used to being in a relationship for years and years, you kinda always have the feeling of security because you know your partner love you for who you are, or you know that no matter how ugly or selekeh you can get, you have someone who'd at least try to accept you for that. but that's no longer the case for me.

this may seem trivial to some, and although this is a painful and mentally exhausting situation that i have to brace through, i am proud. i am proud that i'm accepting it as something that is helping me to grow, to love myself more, to gain inner strength, and to be strong for myself. most importantly, i am truthfully thankful that my friends are here to help me love myself again.

i’m making efforts to try loving myself more. making the tutorials and stuff, those are made because i am challenging myself to be comfortable with who i am. although it's difficult, i love how these situations are empowering me. i learned that i could be fearless, i could be strong, and i even could write everything i feel here. no one's stopping me.

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