Thursday, 19 May 2016

the malaysian girls i can relate to

i've been blogging for a long time already. perhaps since i was 14 or 15 years old? although actually i kept deleting my blog and making a new one, i still blogged. i've always loved to blog, to write down what i think and feel.

and of course, i have my own favorite bloggers that i look up to. some of them are around my age, but some of them are way older than me, whom have already gotten married and are blessed with beautiful children. i deeply love the fact that i've seen these people grow and become a better version of themselves. 

however, my favorites whom are around my age have already stopped blogging, or they blog about things that i cannot relate to anymore. the ones whom have gotten married share a lot of beneficial tips about being a parent or a wife, which i truly treasure since i need all of this knowledge when i get married later (god knows when...). i still keep supporting them and reading their blogs up until now, but there's an empty spot in my heart that isn't fulfilled. 


i don't know, honestly. i'll be 21 in october, and i'm feeling lost and all over the place. i guess i am searching for someone i can relate to; another stranger that i can relate to. perhaps because i think it'll make me feel a bit better seeing that i'm not alone in this fight of searching and discovering who i really am. we feel better when we know we are not alone, right?

i don't loathe my favorite bloggers for blogging about fashion, or beauty, or parenting, or all other sorts of stuff. i love them, i still read every post religiously. i still adore them faithfully. but i am in a deep search for bloggers who blog about real stuff that girls in her twenties are experiencing. a mundane girl like me specifically, who are lost and anxious and don't know what to do and are scared of growing up. i google-ed every sort of keywords to find female malaysian bloggers that i can relate to their posts, but it was to no avail. 

where are the malaysian girls that i can relate to?

ps: if any of you have your favorite bloggers, please let me know in the comment section so that i can check them out.

Wednesday, 11 May 2016

beautiful vs brilliant

"oh, screw beautiful. i'm brilliant. if you want to appease me, compliment my brain." - christina yang

what a quote to live by.

but... i think i'm greedy. i want to be all of those. i want to be called beautiful, brilliant, kind, compassionate, strong, and all other good things.

nonetheless, alhamdulillah for this surprising result. i dived into this semester taking a load of 21 credits at once, preparing myself from the start that i might get the worst result in the history of completing my degree, but i got out alive and i thrived. alhamdulillah.

i'm grateful that i get to make my parents feel happier and prouder as well. i wish everyone triumphs in doing whatever you are currently doing, as long as yall are happy! if you yourself are happy, people around you would feel the same way seeing you radiating with bliss. remember to take a rest from time to time, remember to eat and sleep, remember to let yourself have some fun along the way. i've learned my lessons. i wish everyone else the best!


Tuesday, 10 May 2016

10 things i hate about you

10 things i hate about you


i hate that you came into my life when i was already 13 years old. i wish you've came into my life sooner, heck, i wish you were born right beside me on october 14. bitch please, may 10 is lame and makes you older earlier. i don't mind having to embarrass myself once again on our first meeting if that means i'd get to have a friend as amazing as you.


i hate that you're always persistently secretive. sometimes i really wondered if you had another bestfriend whom i didn't even know and you spilled all your worries to her instead of me. *possessive bff alert* but i'm glad you're opening up to me a lot now (after i tirelessly probe you ofc). it's your nature being that secretive, thus i understand. but pls know that i'm always here to listen to you.


i hate that you’re constantly far away from me now. when was the last time we even met? about two years ago? :/ sometimes i’m always nervous to meet friends whom i’ve never met for so long. but i’ve never ever felt that way with you.


i hate that you make me depend on you a hell lot. you were with me at all times of hardship and ease that i don’t even know how i can survive without you in my life anymore. do you remember those times when i was scared to even go to the toilet alone? do you remember when i was literally loathing my own birthday? you stuck with me through all those times.


i hate that sometimes you feel like your existence doesn’t mean that much. do you know how many souls you’ve touched? you’ve been a great source of courage for many people and you’ve always been a source of laugh for us all as well. you and your mudah terhibur moments smh


i hate how you make me feel like a tiny frail emotional wreck. you are really brave and strong. i admire your audacity to let go of optometry and start studying what you love the most; psychology. not everyone has the courage to do that, not even me. hence, kudos to you.


i hate your carefree and idgaf attitude too. girl, you need to lend me some of those because you know how easily affected i am about heaps of things, even petty ones. look there, such courage to wear those colors that i’ll never feel confident enough to wear.


i hate how you’re always eating so much without gaining any weight!!! give me that superpower please. i want to eat lotsa food but stay thin too :(


i hate how you’re almost like the absolute contrasting version of myself. it’s weird that after about 8 years only did we both realize how different we are from each other. we were like a siamese twin back in high school, hence i guess that was why we didn’t notice our differences. but being a thousand miles away now, our differences emerged and i’m glad we both agreed that it’s what makes us splendidly close. opposites attract.


lastly, i hate that you love winner more than ikon. you unloyal bitch.

i hate all these things about you, but truthfully, these are all the things that make you extremely special to me. you’re such an inspiration to me, and i wish you all the best in life. i hope you find a nice guy who loves you more than you love him. i hope you get to do all the things you wanted in this life. i hope you keep building pieces of yourself, and i hope you find back the ones you’ve lost along the way. i will always stay with you and be a part of your journey, as long as you let me to.

happiest 21st birthday to you, syafiqah nadiah mohd azlan.
i love you until the day after forever. 

ps: now that i have fallen terribly sick after playing with the horses in the rain + my goddamn frickin period pain, i finally have the time (forced) to properly lay down and write this post for you. if not, you may just wish i'd get this cheesy.

Friday, 6 May 2016


i'm taking the psychology of consciousness class this semester, which i just took the final exam for it this morning at 8am. i crammed everything last night, staying up with legit no sleep at all with andrew and mai at the library. we had to memorize the brain parts and all those ornate things but the finals did not do us good :( it was really hard. i studied a lot for that class and i still thought it was difficult. in fact, i actually left one essay question... ha ha.

ok so what i was gonna say is that in that class, we learned about dreams. according to freud, the functions of dreaming include protecting our sleep and also satisfying our repressed wishes. for instance, maybe you feel thirsty before going to sleep but you just sleep anyway, then you dream of drinking water in your sleep. see how it translates to how the dream is actually guarding you from being awaken from that sleep by displaying that your wish to drink has been fulfilled? kinda makes sense, kinda doesn't, right?

but after we've trashed our exam just now, with bloodshot eyes, we walked home with flashes of beds and pillows in our minds. so freaking sleepy. i kinda wanted to do something before i sleep but since i was awfully heavy-eyed, i dozed off right away! then, i dreamed of doing that thing that i wanted to do in my sleep!!! how interesting. now i kinda understand why freud thought so. hahaha do i sound like a nerd ok bye