Friday, 22 April 2016

my dearest kakak

-April 11, 2016-

my dearest sister,

it's the #nationalsiblingday today, or maybe yesterday. i'm not sure, i'm always bad at remembering things. but recently i have been thinking to write about you. i have so many things that i am sorry about, so many things that i regret not doing, so many things i wish i have said to you.

i think you know, you are mama and abah's little girl. even though i am the youngest child, i am always away from home; i was in a boarding school since i was 13 years old, i had to do my preparation to come to america in a state so far away from kedah, and now i am here, a thousand miles away from all of you. it's been two years since i last went home. it's been more than 7 years that i have always been away from home. by nature, you took my place as their little girl. being the only daughter at home, i know mama and abah always want to keep you close to them, and our family gets a little overprotective over you. but i hope you know that they do that because they love you and because you're the only daughter they have at home.

i don't talk to you that often. i think it was because when i was in boarding school, i had no means to contact you, so i am used to talk about my everyday stuff with friends rather than you. i wish i've talked to you more often, i wish i've put more effort, i wish i could make up for the things i have done wrong.

kakak,

i hope you know that i never want to see you get hurt, and i hate seeing you cry. i remember that one day when i was on a break at home, we were still sleeping on a double-decker bed at that time. i was playing with my phone but suddenly i heard your sobbing. you were crying because your leg was hurting. it hurt me so much at that time and i couldn't stop my tears. every time those memories come back to my mind, i swear it hurts so much i will start to cry again. i hope you know that you are one of the strongest people i have ever known. you always hide how you feel; you always keep quiet even if you are hurting. i don't want you to keep things to yourself anymore. i will listen to you.

you are such a kind and sweet girl. i remember that one time i used swear words in front of you and you scolded me. it was funny, i thought you were so cute. how can a person be so nice? i swear all my friends use swear words too. you are always the loving one too, sigh. you really love cats, you know how to play with kids, you are good at cooking, you always try giving your best in your relationships. i want you to know that you deserve a man that knows how to value you and treat you right. i swear, i am very overprotective over you about this. i will never give my approval to your boyfriend if i ever know he treats you wrongly. i hate seeing you get hurt.

we fought a lot too, sometimes i think you're annoying. i'm sure you feel the same way about me as well, lol. but i swear those fighting times do nothing to diminish my love for you. i always wish you are truly happy living your life without any pain, and i am always hoping to see you being successful and doing the things you love. i want you to be confident and know that you worth no less than anybody else.

i love you dearly, my only sister!!!




p/s: i put this post on draft for more than one week. but i think i should really put this out here. i don't know when else i can get this emotional and embarrassing bye

2 comments:

  1. I love this post!! So straight forward and honest :'(

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    1. Aw thank you! It's really embarrassing for me to open up like this haha

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