Monday, 30 November 2015

late night talks #1

It's 2.38 a.m. in the middle of the night
The thoughts running through the minds are something uncontrollable
I wish I could sleep earlier 
I wish I wish could sleep earlier yesterday too
How did sleeping become a hard thing to do
Blinking eyes, waiting for them to be sleepy but the opposite is what's happening; they widen in the darkness
These thoughts cannot be fathomed, how do they exist?
Why do they come out at moments when I'm trying to keep my sanity?
My peace
Light, lights
Come my way
That's not what I'm wishing for
Light, lights
Go away
Sweep me into the darkness and have mercy for me 
That's what I'm wishing for

description of myself

“…Many things interested her, and nothing satisfied her entirely.”

These words struck me hard just now, and I cannot stop thinking about it, still. How truthful and indigenous they are, how they impeccably depict myself in these existing instants, and how my best friend even spotted that herself. Coincidence? I am not sure. That's why I thought that I should put this down in my blog. Maybe one day I'll read through my posts again and I'll remember how out of place I am, at this moment. To be honest, I am not in the paramount state of my existence right now. And so I kind of believe that these words are doomed to tell me something, but I just cannot figure it out.

I don't think partaking interests in a lot of things is bad, because curiosities are what make our wits spark and flicker, no? But the latter sure is a fairly bizarre thing. And that’s just me at the moment. Sigh. I am so clueless about my life right now, having qualms on my verdicts and judgments as high as the mountains, bags of worry and whatnots. I hope I can figure out my life matter real soon, or not. As I understand that it’s a slow progression to get to know ourselves. But please, I just want to feel better.