Thursday, 22 January 2015

Confidence

Finally I'm having the time to sit down, with a mug of hot Milo by my side, and am peacefully able to write in here again. Congratulations to myself.

The past few days have been chaotic and tiring, I don't know if I'm the one who feels tired almost all the time or we all do. The thing is, I loathe weekdays so much I wish they don't exist. Lol kidding, of course they are fine. It's just that I have so many things to do on weekdays that makes me hate them. Sigh, I can be such an ungrateful homosapien at times. Sorry, I don't mean it. I am just tired.

During the weekend, I've had some huge dilemmas in choosing what subject to take, after I happily dropped ENTR 200, which is an Entrepreneurship subject. It was gruesome, I admit, to think of what subject is the most suitable for me to take, considering that I might be doing a minor. After I've done some thinking, I decided to take Intro to Creative Writing subject. It kinda fascinates me, as I am really really really in love with reading novels, fictions mostly. I thought taking this class might help me to be a better writer myself. Heck no, the next few minutes after I registered for that class, I was intensely anxious! I was not confident with myself, especially when I thought again that the class requires me to write poems too, besides short stories. But, I still kept that subject, after continuously convincing myself that I can do it, sure I can a write a poem, sureee I can write a flash of scene, bla bla... but umm, maybe not. Still, my anxiety level didn't drop, instead it roared more highly than ever. Due to that, it caused me to constantly bug my close friends and Ariff, telling them how afraid I was to take this class. Sorry guys, I know I'm annoying at times... or is it most of the times? :/ Nevertheless, these people kept telling me that I would be able to go through this class, surely. Again, I really appreciate them trying to console me. My anxiety level dropped a bit.

However, on the next day, I got an email from my Intro to Creative Writing's lecturer saying that she wanted me to bring a poem written by myself on my first class with her. I was so shocked, dammit how could I write a poem in one night?! It scared the crap out of me, and deep down I knew, I was so not ready to take this class yet, or else I would screw up my GPA. Thus, I happily dropped this class too. Finally, my mind and heart were at the absolute ease. After searching for other subjects to take, Cica and I decided to take a Philosophy class, since it would fulfill one of our requirements to graduate. At least, we are not wasting our time in that class. And shockingly, when we went to that class, it was pretty engaging! However, don't get me started nagging on how ridiculous our textbooks are. I mean, we have to read Socrates', Aristotle's, and even Plato's pieces of thoughts, which are... confusing and never ending.

After all, I am still thinking of what to take as my Minor. I don't think I can do double major though, it would be too much workload that I probably couldn't handle. I was planning to take a Minor in Creative Writing, at first. But I don't think I'm ready yet. Maybe I should brush up my writing skills/poetry skills here first before taking the class? I don't know, a blog full of poems is gonna be so cheesy, isn't it?

I still have a few months to think about it. So let's rest the case for a moment. Though I did feel a little disappointment for not challenging myself to take the Creative Writing class, it doesn't matter anymore. I think what's important is for myself to have the confidence in whatever I'm doing, or else it won't turn out that well. Confidence is key. Ceh.

No comments:

Post a Comment